This really sucks!

I am really bummed out right now. It is so frustrating to know that I can't let myself get excited about anything during this adoption process. I can't get excited when a birth mom emails us to get to know us better because we don't know how many other couples she is emailing or what she is looking for in a couple. We can't get excited if she chooses us to place her baby because we don't know if she will change her mind during the process and decide to place with another couple. And we can't even get too excited when we go to the hospital to pick up the baby because we don't know if she will see her baby and decide to keep it. It just sucks! For the past 5 years I have wanted to feel that excitement of seeing a positive pregnancy test and to be able to think of some fun surprise to tell my husband and family that I am pregnant. I have also wanted to get the 9 months that every other pregnant woman gets to prepare and see the growth and development of the baby and to feel that excitement. It is an extremely big and exciting time in one's life to know they are having a baby and starting a family and I can't let myself get excited until the baby is in my arms; that really sucks!

I think this is the beginning of a long emotional roller coaster

So we have been emailing birth mom number 2 a handful of times. For like two days in a row we emailed back and forth constantly and so I keep wanting to check my email over and over again to see if she responded back. Now it's been like two days and I haven't had a response. It's hard to know what to think because I don't know if she just got busy and she is still really interested in us or if her feelings changed and she doesn't think we are the right couple for her baby. It's hard because she isn't due until mid November so that's a lot of months that she could change her mind. It's hard to not try and think about what is going on in her head or try and figure out if she is interested or not. I know I have to be patient and that she is going through her own personal struggles right now and needs time to figure things out, I get all of that, but it's still hard.

Just got contacted from another birth mom!

So the first birth mom that contacted us, we were really excited to get an email response from the LDS website and to know that we were being found online. Although we responded over 25 times total through email, it just seemed weird that she never really asked questions about us or our parenting style or anything. I just never really felt like anything would come of this.

We just got an email from birth mom number 2 and from her very first email she asked great questions. She said she read through 40 different profiles online and she loved reading our profile and the getting to know us section. She said we are the only couple that she has contacted. She said she is going through a divorce and the soon to be x-husband doesn't even know she is pregnant. She said it is very important to know that we work together in all aspects of marriage and wanted to know what our parenting style would be. Although this is a hard question to answer, I love that she is asking great questions and truly wants the best for her baby. I already feel much better about this birth mom and like where this is going. She is 10 weeks along and due November 14th, 2011. She seems like an open person and has been sharing some good information about herself and a little about her situation. Her second email (last one so far)said she would be happy to send some pictures or her and the birth father if we were interested. And we said absolutely! that's awesome, way easier than trying to stock them on the internet or facebook to see some pictures! lol!!!

Went to baby blessing today

I went with my hubby to his best friend's baby blessing and I was all fine with going and in a good mood, but I kind of just got bummed out and a little sad right after the blessing. I am usually in a good place with stuff like this but some days I just can't help it and It puts me in a funk. I just got to sleep it off and should be good to go tomorrow!

Adoptive couples waiting on the LDS Family Services website

Here are the stats of the number of couples waiting to get placements:
947 as of 4/10/11
928 as of 4/17/11
919 as of 4/18/11
908 as of 4/20/11
915 as of 5/1/11

Another response from the birth mom

Last weekend a birth mom emailed us to get to know us better and we corresponded back and forth about 20 times within a couple days and then it all pretty much just stopped. I figured she wasn't really interested in us anymore or didn't feel like we were the right fit for her baby and I kind of closed the door on that option. But I just got an email from her saying, "Hope your weekend is going good!!" and that was it. I was really surprised when I saw she had sent a new email. It was short and sweet. you would think I would happy that she is still in contact, but the sad thing is that after reading it, I'm all bummed out now. I really really don't want to be pulled along in the process if it's not going to lead to anywhere. I understand that birth mom's are going to need to email us to get to know us better and she might then decide that we are not the right fit which is totally understandable and I am OK with that. But what is the point of that last email, "Hope your weekend is going good!!" She doesn't ask any questions about us and hasn't through pretty much any of her emails. This whole process just seems weird. If she is really serious about placing her baby with us or if it's not a good possibility, then I wish we could cut the strings and stop the contact right now. If she is interested in us and is thinking she wants to place with us, I would still rather not get any more emails unless she has questions that relate to her placing the baby or if she is ready to place. It's really hard to have some small contact not knowing if it's going to lead to anything or not. Now that she sent another email out of the blue, and I responded back I feel like I should check my email often to see if she emailed back.

You would think I would be happy with another response, but unfortunately I am not. I just really don't want to get my hopes up. I want to live my life and be able to focus on the things I can control and not get my thoughts all worked up and confused with things I cannot control.

Just got our first email from a birth mom!

Over the weekend I got an email from a birth mom who wanted to get to know us better. At first, we were really excited but we thought we better not get too excited because we didn't want to get our hopes up as we have heard of scams out there. We emailed back and forth about 10 times each it was fun. We both like hip hop dancing and did dance in high school. I was checking my email constantly to see if she had responded and I was thrilled every time I saw she had responded and I would instantly write her back.

I went back through and read all the emails again and realized she had only asked a couple questions about us in the first couple emails. She wanted to know what part of Utah we lived in and also if we had any pets. That were all the questions she asked and the rest of the time I was asking her questions and she was answering. It was really exciting at first but I don't think she is interested anymore. I know she was looking at a bunch of profiles and other couples and we weren't the only ones. But towards the end I realized she was just answering my questions probably to be nice but wasn't going out of her way to ask me/us any questions. So, we are not feeling too promising about this birth mom, but it's good to know that we are being found online and getting some response. She is almost 33 weeks along and is for sure placing her baby, but it seems like we are not the right fit.