This really sucks!

I am really bummed out right now. It is so frustrating to know that I can't let myself get excited about anything during this adoption process. I can't get excited when a birth mom emails us to get to know us better because we don't know how many other couples she is emailing or what she is looking for in a couple. We can't get excited if she chooses us to place her baby because we don't know if she will change her mind during the process and decide to place with another couple. And we can't even get too excited when we go to the hospital to pick up the baby because we don't know if she will see her baby and decide to keep it. It just sucks! For the past 5 years I have wanted to feel that excitement of seeing a positive pregnancy test and to be able to think of some fun surprise to tell my husband and family that I am pregnant. I have also wanted to get the 9 months that every other pregnant woman gets to prepare and see the growth and development of the baby and to feel that excitement. It is an extremely big and exciting time in one's life to know they are having a baby and starting a family and I can't let myself get excited until the baby is in my arms; that really sucks!