The Language of Adoption

in our adoption class, we learned about terms that you should and should not use when referencing an adopted child. Some times people don't think about the things they say or even realize how offensive certain words can be. These are words to think about before you say the wrong thing.

1.What a birth mother does:
Positive: makes an adoption plan, places her baby for adoption, legally released, voluntary release, choose to parent, terminate parental rights
Negative: Gives her baby away, gave her baby up, choose to keep

2. Parent labels:
Positive: Biological parent, adoptive parents(mother-father), birth parents
Negative: Real mother, natural parent

3. Child labels
Positive: My child, biological child, child who is adopted, birth child, child from abroad, child with special needs(the terms biological and adopted can become negative labels when used constantly)
Negative: My adopted child, natural child, real child, illegitimate, unwanted child, foreign child, hard-to-place, handicapped

4. The situation or condition
Positive: child born outside of marriage, child born to a single person (divorced, single, unmarried, unwed mother), child born to parents that want a better life for their child
Negative: Illegitimate child, unwanted child, bastard, child taken away

5. Communication with the birth parents:
Positive: Your child (before placement when speaking with birth parents), our child usually the child's name is used instead of placing ownership
Negative: My child (shows ownership on either side; although birth parents will often say this before and sometimes even after placement; appropriate term for parents to use with others outside adoption triad)

6. What Adoptee and birth parents may do:
Positive: Search, locate, make contact with
Negative: Search for "real" parents, track down parents, reunion