So today happens to be my 29th birthday and the hubby and I just got back from another one of our adoption classes and this one was the panel with guest speakers. The first half of the class we heard from 3 different couples that had adopted a child/children. It was interesting to hear their different stories about how their baby's came to them and how they new that the baby they received was supposed to be their baby they were to raise. The second half of the class there were two young birth mom's a 16 year old and a 19 year old that shared the experience and how hard it was for them to place their child and to not keep it. It was very eye opening to hear from their own perspective what exactly the emotions and struggles they went through to let that baby go.
The first girl said she was from a strong LDS family, was the Laurel class president and had a strong testimony of the church. She had a boyfriend and made a mistake and got pregnant and was having a really hard time trying to decide if she should keep the baby and raise it herself or place the baby through adoption. She knew she would be a good mom and would love the baby, but she also knew that she couldn't give that baby everything they deserved and also couldn't provide it with stability and a mother AND a father. She decided to go through the adoption process and wanted to find a family that was also from Utah so it would be closer and easier to have communication and occasional visits. She reviewed all the profiles and prayed about each one, but just didn't feel good or get a "yes" answer to any of them. She ended up looking out of state and finally got the "yes" answer she was looking for.
It makes me feel really good to know that some of these birth mom's are truly using the spirit in placing their child in the right home with the right family. It makes me feel good that when we get a child, it won't just be any child but the one that is "ours" and supposed to come to our home and that it is all part of the plan and meant to be.
So this is where I am at in the process. At first and honestly up until I think today, I kept having in the back of my mind the hopes that even along this journey I would still be able to get pregnant or maybe adopt the first one and then get pregnant. But now I think I am looking at it through different eyes. I know I am a strong person and a compassionate person and I know I could handle getting my children through the adoption process and working well with the extra dynamic of a birth mother/family and adding that relationship to the mix. I also know we could handle any questions that might arise when the child grows older and asks certain questions, and also not take offense when people word things the wrong way or don't know how to say the right things.
This definitely isn't the journey that I thought I would be taking or that most people end up taking, but in all actuality I know this is something that could extremely bless my life as well as the baby's and the birth mother. I am just grateful there is another avenue to bring children into this world when creating your own isn't an option. I still don't know what is entail for the hubby and I, but I at least know and have faith that whatever happens and whatever route is taken being smooth or rough, I know that is the route that I personally need to take in order to strengthen myself or someone else.
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